At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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