Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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