her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
