before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
