I just made out with a guy for $7.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm too high and old for this...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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