Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
...so i touched it.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
