this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
