i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
