$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
