My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
