can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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