I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
