We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize