He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
