I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
