so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
