This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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