trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
