so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She's allergic to latex.
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definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
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Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.