forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Wipe that smile off your face.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed