he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".