I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole