hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
