Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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