I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
