I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
