I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
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Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
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Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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