Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He shit in the fireplace
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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