I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
