thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
