She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
