How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
