My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
