I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
