Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
