It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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