Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
