There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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