i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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