so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
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Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
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Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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