woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
