just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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