Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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