Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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