you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
