i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
