rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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