dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
