nut hugger
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
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