i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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