I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
