Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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