We're facebook friends in real life
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
