Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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