we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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