This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
