after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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