you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
