Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
