Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i think i just lost a toe
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
