I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
