Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill

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(617): Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill http://tfl.nu/gt09

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(419): View more from Ohio

I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...

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(419): I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady... http://tfl.nu/mk09

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(336): View more from North Carolina

He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.

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(336): He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters. http://tfl.nu/0ibe

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(317): View more from Indiana

It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.

(1-317): View more from Indiana

Emoooo

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(317): It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups. (1-317): Emoooo http://tfl.nu/8g06

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.

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(717): You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before. http://tfl.nu/0fke

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(706): View more from Georgia

I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.

(1-706): View more from Georgia

I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.

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(706): I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song. (1-706): I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina. http://tfl.nu/b2qf

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(416): View more from Toronto

After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.

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(416): After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me. http://tfl.nu/uotn

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(216): View more from Ohio

For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma

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(216): For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma http://tfl.nu/ysyc

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.

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(270): Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail. http://tfl.nu/2ou5

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome

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(215): Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome http://tfl.nu/saao

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(270): View more from Kentucky

The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.

(817): View more from Texas

I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot

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(270): The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys. (817): I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot http://tfl.nu/5unc

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(480): View more from Arizona

I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.

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(480): I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other. http://tfl.nu/zykp

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(831): View more from California

Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out

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(831): Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out http://tfl.nu/e8gp

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(765): View more from Indiana

This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it

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(765): This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it http://tfl.nu/dka3

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(303): View more from Colorado

I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?

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(303): I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters? http://tfl.nu/gcgg

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