reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
