Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.

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  (816): Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth. http://tfl.nu/la0a
  Replies (9) Good night (2918) Bad night (574)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone

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  (614): i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone http://tfl.nu/w81g
  Replies (25) Good night (6440) Bad night (770)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  bitches.

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  (614): can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!? (740): bitches. http://tfl.nu/evq4
  Replies (58) Good night (8878) Bad night (993)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.

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  (519): When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon. http://tfl.nu/7cpz
  Replies (56) Good night (8508) Bad night (988)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them

  (718): View more from New York

  pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed

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  (203): there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them (718): pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed http://tfl.nu/7id4
  Replies (31) Good night (11400) Bad night (1134)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?

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  (508): Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"? http://tfl.nu/9ial
  Replies (29) Good night (986) Bad night (2902)
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  (707): View more from California

  I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.

  (1-707): View more from California

  is that even a sentence?

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  (707): I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina. (1-707): is that even a sentence? http://tfl.nu/j6fd
  Replies (13) Good night (3234) Bad night (1067)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?

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  (352): Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours? http://tfl.nu/ajza
  Replies (12) Good night (2441) Bad night (759)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.

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  (616): I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood. http://tfl.nu/i8nf
  Replies (9) Good night (4652) Bad night (979)
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  (+35): View more from

  I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act

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  (+35): I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act http://tfl.nu/3xru
  Replies (5) Good night (954) Bad night (497)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.

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  (801): Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card. http://tfl.nu/l3ra
  Replies (5) Good night (1442) Bad night (662)
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  (631): View more from New York

  The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time

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  (631): The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time http://tfl.nu/yanl
  Replies (3) Good night (1469) Bad night (862)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Why is my hat full of peanuts?

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Don't throw them out, I'm on my way

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  (209): Why is my hat full of peanuts? (719): Don't throw them out, I'm on my way http://tfl.nu/6fix
  Replies (0) Good night (729) Bad night (255)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.

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  (416): I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am. http://tfl.nu/zlza
  Replies (18) Good night (467) Bad night (814)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving

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  (562): I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving http://tfl.nu/yknu
  Replies (1) Good night (674) Bad night (201)

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