my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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