hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.