Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.