It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position