i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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