youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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