Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
