he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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