as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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