So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
