There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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