You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
