I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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