If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Your cock deserves a montage
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
