I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
