She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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