omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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