I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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